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How lucky are we to live a life where family and friends are kept near, not through pressure or force, but by love and grateful hearts that we are alive to be able to say i love you before we go to bed each night,

How lucky are we to have the support through our community, teams of professionals working through hours and hours of solving and resolving situations that acts of harm cause. And yet they still have a life to live outside of helping others with theirs.

How lucky are we to be given this crazy, wonderful, unique life!

Each life is a story.

Each life with a special difference made because the person living it can’t be replaced.

How lucky are we to be able to give recovery a try, once, twice, multiple times until we feel some kind of hope…. Some type of change in the world, that can be full of the spotlights of people lives, yet there are people who see no way out. There are those who quit and don’t get another try at their next chapter.

This crazy, wonderful life that has felt almost impossible to survive at times.

There is no survival guide that comes with us. There are no rechargeable batteries. There is no on and off switch.

We take this life. We grab it with both hands, and when it gets too much, we remember those who chose to switch their lights off. We get up and show them it will get better. Time, patience, hard work and the determination. It sounds like lies when you repeat in your own head to ‘keep pushing forward!’ It feels like lies, yet it’s survival.

How lucky are we to have the possibility of tomorrow, to have already lived a yesterday and have the opportunity to experience today.

Because when I think about this crazy, wonderful life…… I think to myself “how lucky are we!”

“When will things change?”

“How do you do it?”

“I could never!”

I always thought self harm would control me,

I never believed I’d be in the position to say I am 85 days free from risk behaviours!

I thought I would always be in the darkness, in the pit of despair, no hope, and barely surviving,

My eating disorder took away all my teenage years, my freedom and most of my 20’s, up until August 2026,

Although I can’t pinpoint my thought patterns from August as a shift, something definitely gave me some strength, whether it was my last hospital admission was the drive to stay safe and in the community, or the ambitions I found myself wanting, believing and regularly thinking about achieving,

I guess it might have been both!

The future planning for something outside of recovery milestones,

Something that Rhiannon, without the feeling of hopelessness, wanted to strive for,

And since then, I’ve found my sparkle!

It feels different to think I couldn’t see a future for myself just a few months ago,

It’s easier to sit with uncomfortable feelings, because yes, they still come and go,

But they leave without taking control from me,

For that I’m grateful!

Never ever EVER doubt your potential! No matter if anyone tells you that you aren’t capable, no matter if your head is screaming insults, even if you feel reduced to tears,

YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS!

This is not forever if you don’t want it to be!

You’re stronger than you think and loved beyond words!

❤️‍🩹

Going from one hospital to the next, not being in a mental state to accept support or treatment, day after day of not wanting to try because it was a war every second of the day…

Pretty damn proud of where I have got to do far!
And from where I have been for so so long, repeated patterns and behaviours turning into relapses, one after the other, I’m hoping to prove and motivate others to see that even when there is so much darkness, so much trauma and what seems like no hope…..
Being alive, whether it is through the support of others, the help of hospital or the very bare survival that is forcing you to continue….

YOU CAN CREATE A LIFE WORTH LIVING!

I was beyond rock bottom for years, for as long as I can remember. I turned it around. Not in a day or overnight. I believe it took hitting every single relapse I’ve had to make me stronger!

Recovery is so worth it! Its never impossible!

Admission after admission since I was 13.

That chapter of my life is gone, closed, often reflected on but never to relive or redo.

Excited to see where I journey to outside of hospital walls.

Im only getting started!

She sees her reflection in the mirror and smiles as she ties her hair up and laces up her trainers,

Who would have thought she had been through so much in her 25 years in this world?

Could anyone even consider the sense of defeat she had felt for longer than she had ever felt hope?

Her focus shifts, as if distracted by something in the background.

She comes back to the present moment; that is where she can live what once was an out of reach dream.

“I don’t feel weighed down anymore. Staying risk free isn’t a thought I have to put energy into trying to do anymore. It just happens.”
She sounded almost surprised saying those words to the reflection she didn’t recognise most days, because they came with more meaning and purpose than words had in the past.

She turns to face her younger self, longing to embrace her, comfort and reassure her.

Questions popped into her head…

Is this the feeling of recovery?
Will it last?
Will it be too hard to keep going?
Why now?

She let out a sigh.
Not one that marked defeat from a battle that wouldn’t be won,
But rather one that was determined, confident, strong and READY!!!

She knelt to her knees and opened her arms, accepting her younger self into a hug,

“Don’t worry, Rhi. You will achieve your wildest dreams. It won’t be easy, but I promise it’s worth it and you will make it through…
We will win this!”

Open when… 1st January 2027,

It feels so far away,
So much could change, giving it’s still 82 days away,
Yet it feels just around the corner,
Almost knocking on the door,

Goals and milestones still to achieve,
Birthdays and Christmas celebrations to be had,

New year holds something abit different for me this time,
There has been so much growth and progress made,
But the bad days have hit HARD!

From August 1st 2026 ive managed to stay risk free, while later applying and being accepted for a psychology degree, I’ve made new friendships, experienced life to the full, different from not ling before where I was barely surviving in the community without interventions,

2027 may be my year,
Equally it could be hard,
I’m not a fortune teller, nor am I interested in knowing what is ahead of me before it happens,

2027 could be full of achievements, goals, finding my purpose, advocating for others on a similar journey to mine,
It could also face me with obstacles, cross roads, mistakes and challenges,

When I battle the rest of 2026, I hope to be mentally stronger, more resilient and confident with whatever the new year has in store for me,

It won’t be perfect,
But it has the potential to strengthen the life I’ve built so far, rather than for it to crumble downwards,

The bad days I’ve had in my journey have often broken me and reduced me to having very little control left,
That isn’t my life anymore,
And although plans dont always follow through and life can kick us out of the path we were hoping to continue on, I’m in a place right now that I can fight harder, become stronger and avoid relapse,

That’s something I couldn’t do at the start of 2026!

2027, you’re not far away now,

I’m ready for you!

I didn’t believe I’d find anyone like this,
I thought I’d manage my loneliness by just getting used to my own company,
It felt awkward, uncomfortable and put on at first,
Yet she still smiles while walking past,
Asking how I am doing, my plans for the day, how im feeling in myself,
She knows when I’m not feeling like myself,
She cares and loves me endlessly,
I mean, why me? I’d wonder,
Why would anyone give a second look at the girl who hears voices that are in her head, who isolates and stops contact in order to protect others from her own mind and thoughts,
Who would want to be friends with me?

I have questioned this tonight, but while I asked all these questions and listened to my overthinking, spiralling brain with responses like “she needs help!” And “its impossible to love her when there’s always so much wrong in her life!”
I get a call ringing on my phone,
I sigh, weighing up whether to answer or not,
When I see it’s still vibrating, I answer,

The fear of burdening others with my own problems,  the fear of those I get close to leaving me because im ‘too much’ is unbearable,

I find my voice and she asks if I’m ok,
The tears stream down my face,
My breathing quickens as I try and say the words “I’m not ok,” between sobs,
“Breathe in and out, nice and slow, I’ve got you,”

And in that moment, i feel a weight lifted,

“I’ve got you,”

The bag of heavy stones ive been mentally carrying for far too long, is become lighter and lighter,

“Im not ok,” clearing my throat,
Her voice is calm and gentle,
She truly cares,
She carries the load and walks beside me,
She doesn’t leave until I promise I am safe,

My people, she is my truest friend,
One I haven’t known for very long, but since today, I feel like ive known her longer than forever,
She is like a mum to me, she can’t be replaced, and tonight, as I type this, I quite literally think she saved me from the cruelty my own mind.

You don’t know what is up ahead,
You don’t yet understand the trauma up ahead or what coping methods you will use to get you through the uncomfortable feeling of existing,

Your biggest concern, as is any other 5 year olds, is playing with barbies, baby annabelle and bratz dolls, watching movies and getting pick and mix sweets on a weekend,

You don’t realise that how you view your body will change,
You dont yet know what sweets and chocolate, at a young age being a treat, would become the enemy, the thing that you avoided, and that food in general would become something you felt you had to earn,

What i wish you knew is that denying yourself happiness, the freedom to create a life worth living, the drive to plan your future and chase your dreams, all of which would come crashing down in afew years, for what seemed forever, thats exactly what would make you appreciate life and support you to make decisions that, although would be a challenge at times, would also move you forwards in recovery,

I would tell you to love and hug those around you because when you grow up, there will be empty seats at the table at family gatherings around Christmas, there may be conversations to keep the memory of family and friends alive, changes will happen and there will be absences within extended family who you once grew up seeing regularly, or added soul mates who join in with your older cousins and family friends,

I’d say to experience life and hold on tight to the smiles, laughter and moments that feel ‘perfect’,

5 year old Rhi, you don’t know what’s coming, but I want you to know you WILL get through it,
It won’t be any kind of easy or straightforward,

It will take all your strength mentally, emotionally and physically,
You will have to start over again, endlessly and it won’t feel possible or even worth it,

Hang in there my girl, you make it through, I promise.
20 years later, you’re still fighting and its easier now,

Keep going!
Don’t lose yourself, cause right now you’re already finding the sparkle and glow of 5 year old you again and she’s learning to be happy!

The journey of mental health recovery isn’t an easy one at all,
It comes with mood dips and crises,
Hospitalisations, treatment that we sometimes don’t have the capacity to agree to,
Bad days or bad moments seem never ending sometimes,
Like we should just accept that nothing good comes out of overcoming them,
In fact, it may feel harder getting through moments that don’t feel so tricky because they don’t come often enough,

What if I told you that it does get better?
What if I said to push through the difficult moments and they soon become less overwhelming and come less often?

I’m not here to convince you or make you believe anything,
That doesn’t seem fair of me,

What I do want to say is 50 days ago I began my risk free journey,
Those 50 days weren’t without urges, yet i got through,
I didnt trust that I’d get this far, but I did,
I sometimes wanted things to stop, for my world to go dark, but I kept going until I found a glow up ahead in the daily tasks that once felt too much,
My eyes sparkled again and my smile returned,

Things aren’t always sunshine and rainbows,
My mood dips, I get anxious and I begin to doubt myself,
In these times, I begin to reflect on my journey from the last 50 days,

I haven’t got this far to stop now,
I haven’t worked through my crises and dark thoughts to just give in and throw the massive amounts of progress down to the bottom of the mountain ive climbed so far,
There is still a way to go,
But the direction I’m heading from here isn’t to the bottom again,

I’m putting one foot in front of the other,
One by one,
I’m continuing to climb, while getting closer and closer to the top,

In the moments when risk and relapse feels the easier option, I will pause to look behind me,
Not to go backwards, but to see how far I’ve already come,
The view from where I’m standing right now is beautiful,
The friendships, relationships, the genuine moments of laughter and the freedom recovery is bringing me is indescribable, because I never ever believed I’d get this far,

Recovery is a journey,
It isn’t perfect and it’s an uphill climb at times,
But I’d never regret the steps made on this journey,
Because without choosing recovery, I’d not be here anymore.

There are versions of you that haven’t been experienced yet,
They haven’t had the opportunity to lived,

Stay.
Stay for the future version of yourself who will look back on today, 10 years from now, remembering that lost 25 year old girl, going through so much change and not seeing the sparkle that was just around the corner,

Stay.
Stay for the future family birthdays and recovery milestones just up ahead,

Rhi, Stay.
Please trust the version of you who will achieve her wildest dreams.

The version who will graduate from university with a psychology degree.

Who will be thinking of the next steps and stages of her relationship, of what working and finding a career will look like,

Of where she’d like to travel to,

That version of you is waiting.

She is ready for when the moment comes.

She may be a different version of you Rhi, but she is already so SO proud of you and everything you are achieving.

Stay for the version of you who is recovered, living a life without a mental health diagnosis stealing her identity.

Go live the life youve dreamed of, and she’ll be waiting, never too far away!

Some days, surviving on the basic motions will feel like climbing a mountain,

Like you are waiting for the day to end before it has even started,

It’s sometimes the easiest thing to hide away,

Yet it doesn’t dull the mental business for long, barely at all.

You see, mental pain, and everything that comes with the fight against your own brain, is one that can only get easier by facing it, and moving forwards, even when it is hard.

It may feel impossible, not worth it or just too much,

That’s a genuine feeling and I completely get that,

I hear you.

You’re struggles are not invisible to me,

And although recovery can’t be followed through by anyone else on your behalf, I know you’ve got the strength deep inside, to overcome this monster in your head,

You can!

ONE DAY, ONE STEP.

How long will I feel this good?

It feels like it never lasts, yet with each day, that is 24 hours with the that feeling of ‘will something change and cause a relapse?’

24 hours in a day,

A day that could show a change in behaviours, mood, distress levels, impulsivity…

24 hours full of choices,

Choices that could both have a positive or negative impact on my recovery,

24 hours doesn’t sound long but times by 7 and thats a week of choosing to build my future,

To stay in recovery,

Times that to add on a month,

Every minute turning into an hour,

Each hour counting towards a life that was once unwanted,

One that I tried to eliminate,

One I wished would stop and not exist anymore,

Yet, Here I am!

I haven’t come this far to only come this far!

I’m not done fighting.

Each minute, turning into 24 hours, days making up a week, into months and eventually this day, this distress and mental torment will be just another time where I chose to keep going!

24 hours doesn’t seem like much,

But I can withstand any storm that is ahead of me, because I’ve survived and lived through my mental illness to this point,

Relapse after relapse,

Crises; one after the other,

And it all comes back to a day at a time,

24 hours,

ONE DAY ONE STEP!

We exist in a World where there is worry, panic, trauma.

There also is happiness, love and support.

Each day comes with decisions and choices that are shaped by emotion.

Sometimes our personal viewpoints in a certain moment of panic or crisis can lead to choices that are later full of regret.

Right now, my life is full of good; smiles, laughter and positivity.

Yet ths impulsivity has come close to not only throwing my hard work away up until this moment but also future milestones would be sacrificed.

My lesson from today:

Risk could happen, yet it is something i view as past negative behaviour. I’m further on in my recovery than creating a relapse all over again. Where has relapse gotten me so far?

Hospital?

Barely surviving?

I’m not prepared to go back to that. Not worth the distress not only to myself but those I love.

My life isn’t perfect.
I’m not recovered.

But I WILL get there!

Recovery, albeit hard work, IS worth it!

AND IT IS POSSIBLE!

On the 14th July 2021 I was admitted to St Andrews hospital in England.

I didnt know what to think,
I hadn’t got a choice,
I hadn’t been deemed able to make the decision,
I lacked capacity.

Yet i arrived,
In England, to start a 3 year long admission, that would save and change my life in many many ways.

Friendships made and ones that have continued for the time since discharge,
Relationships broken into pieces and rebuilt;
Only to go through the process and again.

Skills learned and amd then ignored when crises took over,
Relapses, restraints, medical intervention, forced treatment in order to save me.

Only now, when i reflect over the 3 years ive been out of that hospital admission, can I realise the work that the staff put in to every single patient on that ward.
The patience, the commitment and the hope held within them that things would improve.

That silent promise to themselves in the darkest moments of each day, no matter what,
The courage they had to put themselves at risk to help when aggressive behaviour was present on the ward.
They didn’t stop believing in me.

I was very very poorly.
And for me to notice the difference since then;
That is pretty huge!
Seclusion rooms and limited or very restricted access to every day items due to risk.

Today I can say I’m glad they saved my life,
It’s a mental state that I never want to be faced with ever again.
The hurt, the worry, the trauma,
It all had a part to play on my journey,
But I homestly dont think id be here without that admission.
It was extremely difficult amd I would never repeat it,
But im glad I am alive to show that recovery is possible AND WORTH IT!

What a journey its been so far… lots of friendships made during my time as inpatient in the hospital that had the biggest positive affect on me and my mental health journey. Im not saying by any means it was easy or straightforward. But it did save my life and get me to a place where ive been able to know what works and what doesn’t. Regarding my living situation within the community, its been a bumpy road and that doesnt quite explain the severity of the ups and downs but my needs are being met while now living independently in my own permanent housing.

I never thought I’d be studying or back in education, 3 years ago. It was a very far away dream. Yet 3 years after discharge and im studying a psychology degree and attending online mental health conferences to better my understanding and how I can support others on the same journey as me.

It’s early days with being risk free, but i accept that and I know there’s work to do.

So if you are doubting yourself, your worth or your future, know what there is hope. Theres is time. I made a promise to myself to try my best and see where it takes me. I have a way to go, But i feel prepared, and ready for any obstacles that may come up.

Im creating a life worth living!
You can too!

Hope has never existed in my life and stayed for very long,

I guess it’s came and gone, like a passing visit,

But right now? Things are ok.

More than ok.

But i remind myself as I type those words that its one day at a time,

Small, steady steps forwards and I catch myself wondering how long it’ll last…

I long for recovery,

I want it so badly but each day I find something I’d do different if I could re-live the moment,

I feel distant and even ashamed at times that I’m not further on in my recovery,

Yet there are lots of positives, I still feel a piece missing,

Hope feels lost,

But in those times where I don’t allow myself to be fully present and appreciate the things I have achieved, that is when I remember where I was  5 weeks ago.

Hospital.

Maybe it isn’t my biggest milestone, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t count!

Finding hope, right now, feels like getting through another day, and that is valid,

Valid and enough.

So anyone waiting for that big moment where you imagine you’ll find hope- you are existing and for some that may come automatically or seem to pass by with very little effort,

There are still those, like me today, where the day has felt long and exhausting and too much; like THEY are too much.

I hear you.

Your struggles are not invisible to me, because I’ve felt the same.

Today was an ok day.

I survived it but I also felt myself feeling alive and wanted and free.

I didn’t feel my existence wasn’t needed or wanted.

I felt I had purpose.

I felt a glow, a big smile upon my face, company from friends who feel safe and genuine.

So even though I say I survived, today was one of the better days this week,

And that’s worth holding on to.

I’m holding on to hope, because I truly believe that right now that’s what I’m finding.

My body,
It is pretty amazing, right?
So why have I spent so much of my 25 years so far trying to shrink it into a shape that society approves of or even tries to validate?

Sure, skinny is something that seems to require a level of control.
It teaches us that taking up less space is the norm and will reward us with a life of happiness and acceptance.

But what does it actually prove?
And to who is it directed to?

13 year old Rhi didn’t know her life would crumble beneath her feet, with her family and friends drowning in the depths of her emotional breakdowns and risk incidents,
The circumstances that humanity blame on our weight.
Always the control of numbers.
“The less you weigh the happier you will become” it whispered in my ear regularly.

“Dont worry, Ive got you.”

The number was never the cause, the intention or the purpose of my Eating Disorder.
It never wanted to claim a body that received validation or felt enough.

Though the role my body played, remained the same.

My body wasn’t the enemy,
It existed to save me.
It protected me when I tried to eliminate its ability to stay alive.

Why should my body need to manage the pain of starvation?

The destruction of admitting defeat to something that only needed to hold out its hand and I suddenly felt like I belonged.

My body wasn’t the problem and it never has been.

My body hasn’t just survived.
It has saved me from myself.
I was choosing my own fate, to gain a sense of control from what feet like treading on egg shells.

My body right now doesn’t fit society’s dream image that has taken too many lives without them knowing.

My body doesn’t match criteria that validates a healthy BMI or weight range.
Yet Im happy most days,
I continue to experience the process of recovery.

While not without its difficulties, some days are in survival mode,
But some I recognise are there to allow me to LIVE!

Im not a superhero, saving the day,
Nor am I a princess, waiting for the sickness to become a fairytale ending.

Reality is that I’ve got a body that has overcome way too many hardships,
Yet i am grateful for the strength I’ve gained.

I may have gained weight,
I may have lost control and capacity, but it was, I see now, to be able to grow through this journey.

My body conquered an illness that claims so many lives,
Leaving behind loved ones, happy memories and moments yet to be explored.

What my body endured has taken the breath from my lungs and I’ve had second thoughts at times whether I can withstand anything more.

Falling deeper and deeper into believing my illness was a friend of my body.

My heart still beats in my chest.
My lungs automatically inhale and exhale,

I notice its rise and fall.

Mentally, Ive still got a long way to go,
But today I am grateful.
Im working in partnership with my body instead of against it.

Im gaining a life worth living,
Because it was never stolen
Instead it was returned by the theif.

Today, the theif apologised to my body, and promised no return.

And thats healed a piece of me forever.

What is the point?
The point of staying,
Getting through the numbness,
Only for it to return with a stronger effect each time.

You just want things to go dark, to go quiet, to stop.
You wish the best for others, no harm, no sickness, no grief when this life takes you;
Or rather when you decide life should take you.

You understand fully what it means to carry a burden,
A weight that is just too heavy,
Crushing you from the inside.

You are admitting defeat,
You are finished fighting this storm.

You wish more than anything right now for the ground to just swallow you up,
To go without a dramatic exit or memorable parting.

So I ask again- what is the point of staying when the darkness surrounds you and there seem to be no hope?
The sun sheds a slight dim of light,
More comes with time.

Time.
Is that the answer?
Is time the way through this?

It feels impossible.
Pointless.

A little spark shimmers ahead in the distance.
Perhaps following the light is the way forwards.

It may not be an easy road ahead.
Nothing in life that is worth it, comes easy.

No matter what Rhiannon, follow the sparkle up ahead.

It will guide you.
It will show you little reasons to continue.
Even through the storms, which will come.
Through what feels like the undefeatable fight,
You will find the strength to overcome the enemy.
The enemy who has been the reason that you feel worthless and has gained power through convincing you that life isn’t worth living.

Every little reason you can find that goes against the enemy in your head,
Those reasons will give you the strength you need.
They will get you to a place where things feel more in your control.
It will be slow.
But you will build it up.
Until you are strong enough again.
Strong enough to take control.
To make decisions.
To keep going.

You will find reasons to stay.
A reason to be alive that isn’t just to barely survive.
There’s more to life than barely surviving.

You can create a life worth living, Rhi!

Im ok,

Nothing to worry about,

Just a hard day,

Nothing more to say about it.

“Understand that we are trying to help you, but you need to let us in…”

The voice in my head screams,

Too loud to hear anymore words.

The voice promises peace, calm and happiness in just a short time from now…

I also recognise, that is the same promise made now every day for the last 18 months.

“Rhiannon, please tell us what is going on for you?” My support worker asks quickly.

At this point, I don’t know what is happening. My brain is telling me not to say another word because there are teams of people,people I don’t yet know, who are plotting against me. People who want me to trip up so they can laugh.

But my mum’s voice is always full of love and warmth and comfort. I want so badly to spread my arms open and embrace a hug. The voice says not to trust anyone.

“They are liars, Rhiannon. Don’t give them the satisfaction they want.”

This is a constant battle. I am scared and hurting inside.

Yet, I come alive when I am given the time and space to understand what is real and genuine, and what is fake and lies.

Right now though, it’s difficult when all I am hearing is this voice in my head screaming threats at me, calling me names and pointing me in the direction of relapse and self-destruction.

So many people see my physical, outside appearance, yet there is alot more going on that isn’t visible.

If this is an experience that can be related to, I want you to know this:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

I’m not ok right now. But I’m also not the only one who isn’t ok either.

You are seen and your hurting isn’t invisible to me. I’m hurting too.

Together, we can create a life worth living!

Some day the world will take away your reasons why, and leave you to fight for yourself.

Some day, the people who fought and prayed to keep you alive, while not knowing if it would be enough, if it would be their last wish with your heart still beating and your lungs filling with air, they’ll not be there to fight for you when you can’t fight for yourself again.

When your past has been full of attempts to end your own life and suddenly the reality of losing those who chose to do everything in their power to save your life, when you didn’t want to exist anymore; that is when you will remember your reasons why.

Your reasons to stay.

But it isn’t about convincing yourself, you need to keep going because you have a reason to.

You might not love your life or be on the same journey as others around you, so if you can, remember this:

This life isn’t forever. You have people around you who need you as much as you’ve needed them. Dont taje them for granted. Remember your reasons why you need to keep going.

And do just that!

Yes!

Girl, you made it!

You absolutely smashed it!

So many things to look forward to, places to go, people to meet.

Im so proud of you, Rhi!

These past 13 years haven’t come without a ton of problems. One leading to a million more.

Tackling lonliness, risk incidents, how you viewed yourself and your future.

You didn’t want to have a future.

You wanted the ground to swallow you up.

For the world to just forget you exsisted and keep spinning.

You put one foot in front of the other though.

You felt supported on the dark days this past week.

It wasn’t a magic cure, but I think you know that something feels unfamiliar right now.

It feels different.

Staying risk free has become such a big thing for you recently.

But since bonding and forming friendships with new people who truly care and want to see you outside of the mental health bubble you’ve been in for such a long time, you feel less lonely and low.

Having these connections won’t fix things.

It won’t suddenly stop bad days from happening.

But it may help to ease them… slow them down from taking over so quickly.

You are wanted and needed.

You have goals.

You have a career path to follow.

You are building strong friendships and relationships.

You are loved.

You are stronger than you think.

And one day, you’ll look back. 

Not to see where you went wrong and then begin to stumble again.

Instead, you’ll see the mistakes that you learnt from, acceoting that it happened and recognise the progress that has been made since.

No one lives a perfect life.

Straight into a dream job,

Healthy happy family,

Nothing that would say anything would change.

Every family has generations before them.

Every job requires training and developed skills over time.

The world has imperfections everywhere, yet there is so much beauty.

Recovery has to be chosen to happen.

It is a personal choice, because believe me, although we can be in denial that recovery is worth it sometimes, it 100% is!

It doesn’t happen overnight.

It doesn’t happen without challenges or relapses.

Bad days prove our strength in overcoming them.

We may be hesitant to continue or attempt to leave this world because of the hardships.

We may feel too much or not not enough.

We may punish ourselves for circumstances in life that we have no control over.

We can get through all of this though!

We can find friends who lift us up when we fall down.

Whats the phrase?

Fall down 7 times stand up 8!

We keep getting right back up to try again!

We have to!

We don’t choose our time to leave.

We don’t need to inflict pain as a way to manage.

Little Rhi didn’t know she would still be in hospital admissions over 10 years after her journey started.

Yet she is exploring options for a career path that will help others who feel that way, in hopes to support them into a place of recovery and stability.

Things happen.

Bad days come and go.

Hold on to hope rather than what we view as a failure.

You are nothing less than perfect!

You are you!

And

Youv’e

Got

This!

When will it every get easier? When will the spiralling hurricane of thoughts just settle and become calm?

We can hope with everything inside us that that day will come soon. We can sit with the feeling of things being easier if we were to give up.

We can strengthen our minds and learn to redirect thoughts using skills that fact check.

Sometimes things have to get harder before they get easier. But also the steps in between choosing to try and then becoming your own form of ‘stable’.

It can be a scary journey. Its a long process. And its individual to each experience.

But there are those who have been through hard times, found courage, kept going and are now proof that getting better is possible.

It’s not about things becoming easy or simple. Maybe improving could be the goal. Building up for better things to come.

Rock bottom is a very scary place to be. Its never easy to take the first step to picking yourself up out of a very dark, lonely and deep hole.

Yet when we find that tiny glimmer, whether from those around us or something to work towards, little steps will become easier.

It can be a very slow process. But small steps are still steps forward and don’t go unnoticed. The fact that you are trying or even considering to try again, is a step in itself.

Blips and crises are not forever. And the happen whether we are affected by mental health or something different. Life doesn’t choose to give us struggles. I believe though, that they will make us that bit stronger, even if each day has difficulties.

No matter what the trials or circumstances that are thrown our way, we can and will find a way out.

Support can be given and accepted. Again, its very hard to see that.

When we can’t care for ourselves or understand how to keep ourselves safe, sometimes the little step forward is to allow other to support you. That can come in many forms such as medication, a crisis admission to hospital, extra care while at home, outpatient visits from specialised teams.

For a while now, ive believed i wasnt worthy of help. I didnt deserve it and was taking up too much space in services for people who wanted the help. I felt like i was a problem and a waste of time to others.

But, needing support in whatever way that it comes, isnt a weakness. It shows strength and the ability to know your own limits when life gets really tough. It shows courage that although there is a bigger part of you that is giving up on having a future, that you still have a small thought in the back of your head that is saying to stay.

Having a reason to stay may be too hard to even think about, i really do get that. And right now with my own low periods, a minute at a time is enough. Because that minute can feel long at the start. But the fact youre able to get through minute by minute is a step. Its progress. Its another that you can say youve tried and survived and overcome.

Everyone has a story. No two are the same. Similaries perhaps are there, but emotions and how we experience each day comes with a very individual and valid perspective. Nothing should every minimise you or your feelings. They are personal and yours.

So, if you are struggling… or feeling hopless, remember this-

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think and loved beyond words.”

Trust those words.

You’ll get through this.

Rhiannon Xxx